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It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, SniperX, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling scarcely frustrated, SniperX slapped a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unfulfilled decades later, he realized that his beloved A.G. was missing! Immediately he called his so-called friend, Gammasts. SniperX had known Gammasts for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were curious ones. Gammasts was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... oafish. SniperX called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Gammasts picked up to a very nervous SniperX. Gammasts calmly assured him that most spotted wolf hamsters shudder before mating, yet albino cats usually charismatically sneeze *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting SniperX. Why was Gammasts trying to distract SniperX? Because he had snuck out from SniperX's with the A.G. only four days prior. It was a striking little A.G.... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before SniperX got back to the subject at hand: his A.G.. Gammasts sneezed. Relunctantly, Gammasts invited him over, assuring him they'd find the A.G.. SniperX grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Gammasts realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the A.G. and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if SniperX took the hippie-pleasing hybrid vehicle, he had take at least four minutes before SniperX would get there. But if he took the Truth and Justice? Then Gammasts would be very screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Gammasts was interrupted by six annoying Jews that were lured by his A.G.. Gammasts cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he aggressively reached for his dull pencil and aimlessly poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Truth and Justice rolling up. It was SniperX.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, SniperX was out of the Truth and Justice and went sassily jaunting toward Gammasts's front door. Meanwhile inside, Gammasts was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the A.G. into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his refrigerator. Gammasts was pleased but at least the A.G. was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Gammasts indiscriminately purred. With a skillful push, SniperX opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish noble genius in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Gammasts assured him. SniperX took a seat just perfectly far from where Gammasts had hidden the A.G.. Gammasts yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But SniperX was distracted. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Gammasts noticed a annoying look on SniperX's face. SniperX slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Gammasts felt a stabbing pain in his kidney when SniperX asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the A.G. right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on SniperX's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. SniperX nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Gammasts could react, SniperX randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The A.G. was plainly in view.
SniperX stared at Gammasts for what what must've been ten seconds. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Gammasts groped sassily in SniperX's direction, clearly desperate. SniperX grabbed the A.G. and bolted for the door. It was locked. Gammasts let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, SniperX,' he rebuked. Gammasts always had been a little abrasive, so SniperX knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Gammasts did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at him or something. As if it really mattered he gripped his A.G. tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Gammasts looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from SniperX. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for SniperX. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Gammasts walked over to the window and looked down. SniperX was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, SniperX was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Gammasts's place. SniperX had severely hurt his kidney during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Jews suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the A.G.. One by one they latched on to SniperX. Already weakened from his injury, SniperX yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Jews running off with his A.G..
About two hours later, SniperX awoke, his armpit throbbing. It was dark and SniperX did not know where he was. Deep in the humid foxy forest, SniperX was excessively lost. A few unsatisfying minutes later, he remembered that his A.G. was taken by the Jews. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a enlarged Jews emerged from the magical cornfield. It was the alpha Jews. SniperX opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Jews sunk its teeth into SniperX's armpit. With a faint groan, the life escaped from SniperX's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eleven miles away, Gammasts was entombed by anguish over the loss of the A.G.. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened carrot. With a calculated thrust, he buried it deeply into his prostate. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about SniperX... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the A.G. that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Jews, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
Page 1 of 1
The true story of how our precious A.G. was lost to us.
Steel your resolves, for it is a sorrowful tale indeed.
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#2
Avalon 
- AG Liberation Team
- Group: Members
- Posts: 3,891
- Joined: 17-October 05
- LocationYou mom.
Posted 03 July 2011 - 12:37 AM
Shortly after the incident, Avalon woke up in a secret vineyard. Feeling very stunned, Avalon groped a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he realized that his beloved Anything Goes was missing! Immediately, he called his war comrade, Sniperx. Avalon had known Sniperx for (plus or minus) 11,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. Sniperx was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... insensitive. Avalon called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Sniperx picked up to a very mad Avalon. Sniperx calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats turn red before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually charismatically sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Avalon. Why was Sniperx trying to distract Avalon? Because he had snuck out from Avalon's with the Natty only four days prior. It was a exotic little Natty... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Avalon got back to the subject at hand: his Natty. Sniperx turned red. Relunctantly, Sniperx invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Natty. Avalon grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Sniperx realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Natty and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Avalon took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least eight minutes before Avalon would get there. But if he took the Gamecube? Then Sniperx would be excessively screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Sniperx was interrupted by ten clueless Pedobears that were lured by his Natty. Sniperx cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he deftly reached for his dull pencil and fearlessly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Gamecube rolling up. It was Avalon.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, Avalon was out of the Gamecube and went earnestly jaunting toward Sniperx's front door. Meanwhile inside, Sniperx was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Natty into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his hammock. Sniperx was pleased but at least the Natty was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Sniperx wildly purred. With a skillful push, Avalon opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless noble genius in a wannabe go-fast Civic,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Sniperx assured him. Avalon took a seat not remotely close to where Sniperx had hidden the Natty. Sniperx yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Avalon was distracted. Just as zero people expected Sniperx noticed a insensitive look on Avalon's face. Avalon slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Sniperx felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Avalon asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Natty right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Avalon's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Avalon nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Sniperx could react, Avalon aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Natty was plainly in view.
Avalon stared at Sniperx for what what must've been two nanoseconds. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Sniperx groped earnestly in Avalon's direction, clearly desperate. Avalon grabbed the Natty and bolted for the door. It was locked. Sniperx let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Avalon,' he rebuked. Sniperx always had been a little insensitive, so Avalon knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Sniperx did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his Natty tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Sniperx looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Avalon. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Avalon. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Sniperx walked over to the window and looked down. Avalon was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Avalon was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Sniperx's place. Avalon had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Pedobears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Natty. One by one they latched on to Avalon. Already weakened from his injury, Avalon yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Pedobears running off with his Natty.
About five hours later, Avalon awoke, his double chin throbbing. It was dark and Avalon did not know where he was. Deep in the broad bush, Avalon was ridiculously lost. Ever so extemperaneously, he remembered that his Natty was taken by the Pedobears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a big Pedobear emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha Pedobear. Avalon opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Pedobear sunk its teeth into Avalon's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Avalon's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than ten miles away, Sniperx was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Natty. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened wolverine. With a apt thrust, he buried it deeply into his double chin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Avalon... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Natty that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Pedobears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
Sniperx picked up to a very mad Avalon. Sniperx calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats turn red before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually charismatically sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Avalon. Why was Sniperx trying to distract Avalon? Because he had snuck out from Avalon's with the Natty only four days prior. It was a exotic little Natty... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Avalon got back to the subject at hand: his Natty. Sniperx turned red. Relunctantly, Sniperx invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Natty. Avalon grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Sniperx realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Natty and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Avalon took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least eight minutes before Avalon would get there. But if he took the Gamecube? Then Sniperx would be excessively screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Sniperx was interrupted by ten clueless Pedobears that were lured by his Natty. Sniperx cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he deftly reached for his dull pencil and fearlessly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Gamecube rolling up. It was Avalon.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, Avalon was out of the Gamecube and went earnestly jaunting toward Sniperx's front door. Meanwhile inside, Sniperx was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Natty into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his hammock. Sniperx was pleased but at least the Natty was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Sniperx wildly purred. With a skillful push, Avalon opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless noble genius in a wannabe go-fast Civic,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Sniperx assured him. Avalon took a seat not remotely close to where Sniperx had hidden the Natty. Sniperx yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Avalon was distracted. Just as zero people expected Sniperx noticed a insensitive look on Avalon's face. Avalon slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Sniperx felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Avalon asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Natty right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Avalon's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Avalon nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Sniperx could react, Avalon aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Natty was plainly in view.
Avalon stared at Sniperx for what what must've been two nanoseconds. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Sniperx groped earnestly in Avalon's direction, clearly desperate. Avalon grabbed the Natty and bolted for the door. It was locked. Sniperx let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Avalon,' he rebuked. Sniperx always had been a little insensitive, so Avalon knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Sniperx did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he gripped his Natty tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Sniperx looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Avalon. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Avalon. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Sniperx walked over to the window and looked down. Avalon was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Avalon was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Sniperx's place. Avalon had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Pedobears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Natty. One by one they latched on to Avalon. Already weakened from his injury, Avalon yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Pedobears running off with his Natty.
About five hours later, Avalon awoke, his double chin throbbing. It was dark and Avalon did not know where he was. Deep in the broad bush, Avalon was ridiculously lost. Ever so extemperaneously, he remembered that his Natty was taken by the Pedobears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a big Pedobear emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha Pedobear. Avalon opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Pedobear sunk its teeth into Avalon's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Avalon's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than ten miles away, Sniperx was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Natty. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened wolverine. With a apt thrust, he buried it deeply into his double chin. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Avalon... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Natty that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Pedobears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
I touch myself, for a buck I'll touch you.
#3
ibfreeekout
- Senior Member
- Group: LANKnights Member
- Posts: 701
- Joined: 28-August 09
Posted 03 July 2011 - 12:52 AM
It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, Genie, woke up in a swamp. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling very relieved, Genie poked a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before anyone could take off their pants, he realized that his beloved disease was missing! Immediately he called his parole officer, Warty. Genie had known Warty for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were eccentric ones. Warty was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... pestering. Genie called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Warty picked up to a very mad Genie. Warty calmly assured him that most venomous koalas shudder before mating, yet legless puppies usually charismatically yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Genie. Why was Warty trying to distract Genie? Because he had snuck out from Genie's with the disease only four days prior. It was a enchanting little disease... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Genie got back to the subject at hand: his disease. Warty shuddered. Relunctantly, Warty invited him over, assuring him they'd find the disease. Genie grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Warty realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the disease and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if Genie took the time machine, he had take at least six minutes before Genie would get there. But if he took the disco stick? Then Warty would be very screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Warty was interrupted by seven stupid trolls that were lured by his disease. Warty sneezed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he deftly reached for his wolverine and aggressively poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the disco stick rolling up. It was Genie.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Genie was out of the disco stick and went wildly jaunting toward Warty's front door. Meanwhile inside, Warty was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the disease into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his whale. Warty was worried but at least the disease was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Warty indiscriminately purred. With a heroic push, Genie opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish social outcast in a tricycle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Warty assured him. Genie took a seat uncomfortably close to where Warty had hidden the disease. Warty sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Genie was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, Warty noticed a dimwitted look on Genie's face. Genie slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Warty felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Genie asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the disease right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on Genie's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Genie nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Warty could react, Genie deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The disease was plainly in view.
Genie stared at Warty for what what must've been three nanoseconds. Before anyone could take off their pants, Warty groped scandalously in Genie's direction, clearly desperate. Genie grabbed the disease and bolted for the door. It was locked. Warty let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Genie,' he rebuked. Warty always had been a little dimwitted, so Genie knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Warty did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he gripped his disease tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Warty looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Genie. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Genie. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Warty walked over to the window and looked down. Genie was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Genie was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Warty's place. Genie had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral trolls suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the disease. One by one they latched on to Genie. Already weakened from his injury, Genie yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of trolls running off with his disease.
About six hours later, Genie awoke, his taint throbbing. It was dark and Genie did not know where he was. Deep in the broad lemur-infested moor, Genie was exceedingly lost. A few freaknasty minutes later, he remembered that his disease was taken by the trolls. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a bloated troll emerged from the swamp. It was the alpha troll. Genie opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the troll sunk its teeth into Genie's love handle. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Genie's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than six miles away, Warty was entombed by anguish over the loss of the disease. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened live hand grenade. With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Genie... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the disease that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant trolls, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
Warty picked up to a very mad Genie. Warty calmly assured him that most venomous koalas shudder before mating, yet legless puppies usually charismatically yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Genie. Why was Warty trying to distract Genie? Because he had snuck out from Genie's with the disease only four days prior. It was a enchanting little disease... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Genie got back to the subject at hand: his disease. Warty shuddered. Relunctantly, Warty invited him over, assuring him they'd find the disease. Genie grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Warty realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the disease and he had to do it fearlessly. He figured that if Genie took the time machine, he had take at least six minutes before Genie would get there. But if he took the disco stick? Then Warty would be very screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Warty was interrupted by seven stupid trolls that were lured by his disease. Warty sneezed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he deftly reached for his wolverine and aggressively poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the disco stick rolling up. It was Genie.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Genie was out of the disco stick and went wildly jaunting toward Warty's front door. Meanwhile inside, Warty was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the disease into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his whale. Warty was worried but at least the disease was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Warty indiscriminately purred. With a heroic push, Genie opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some selfish social outcast in a tricycle,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Warty assured him. Genie took a seat uncomfortably close to where Warty had hidden the disease. Warty sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Genie was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, Warty noticed a dimwitted look on Genie's face. Genie slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Warty felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Genie asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the disease right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A stupid look started to form on Genie's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet South American hissing sloths. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Genie nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Warty could react, Genie deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The disease was plainly in view.
Genie stared at Warty for what what must've been three nanoseconds. Before anyone could take off their pants, Warty groped scandalously in Genie's direction, clearly desperate. Genie grabbed the disease and bolted for the door. It was locked. Warty let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Genie,' he rebuked. Warty always had been a little dimwitted, so Genie knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Warty did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he gripped his disease tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Warty looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Genie. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame six days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Genie. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Warty walked over to the window and looked down. Genie was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Genie was struggling to make his way through the magical cornfield behind Warty's place. Genie had severely hurt his fingernail during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral trolls suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the disease. One by one they latched on to Genie. Already weakened from his injury, Genie yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of trolls running off with his disease.
About six hours later, Genie awoke, his taint throbbing. It was dark and Genie did not know where he was. Deep in the broad lemur-infested moor, Genie was exceedingly lost. A few freaknasty minutes later, he remembered that his disease was taken by the trolls. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a bloated troll emerged from the swamp. It was the alpha troll. Genie opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the troll sunk its teeth into Genie's love handle. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Genie's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than six miles away, Warty was entombed by anguish over the loss of the disease. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened live hand grenade. With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Genie... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the disease that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant trolls, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
#4
cyb.tachyon
- Secretary
- Group: Staff
- Posts: 946
- Joined: 19-September 08
- LocationWinter Park
Posted 03 July 2011 - 12:54 AM
Later that day our (former porn) star, Tachyon, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly exasperated, Tachyon attacked a banana, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he realized that his beloved Anything Goes Forum was missing! Immediately he called his favorite Mormon, Ibby. Tachyon had known Ibby for (plus or minus) 23 million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Ibby was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... erotic. Tachyon called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Ibby picked up to a very mad Tachyon. Ibby calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys yawn before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually explosively yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Tachyon. Why was Ibby trying to distract Tachyon? Because he had snuck out from Tachyon's with the Anything Goes Forum only two days prior. It was a striking little Anything Goes Forum... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Tachyon got back to the subject at hand: his Anything Goes Forum. Ibby shuddered. Relunctantly, Ibby invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Anything Goes Forum. Tachyon grabbed his canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Ibby realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Anything Goes Forum and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Tachyon took the tricycle, he had take at least nine minutes before Tachyon would get there. But if he took the gnarwagon? Then Ibby would be abundantly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Ibby was interrupted by eight stupid Charlies that were lured by his Anything Goes Forum. Ibby grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he deftly reached for his live hand grenade and thoughtfully slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the gnarwagon rolling up. It was Tachyon.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Tachyon was out of the gnarwagon and went exotically jaunting toward Ibby's front door. Meanwhile inside, Ibby was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Anything Goes Forum into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his elephant. Ibby was displeased but at least the Anything Goes Forum was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Ibby explosively purred. With a deft push, Tachyon opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid genocidal maniac in a tricked out go kart,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Ibby assured him. Tachyon took a seat uncomfortably close to where Ibby had hidden the Anything Goes Forum. Ibby yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Tachyon was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Ibby noticed a annoying look on Tachyon's face. Tachyon slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Ibby felt a stabbing pain in his armpit when Tachyon asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Anything Goes Forum right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Tachyon's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Tachyon nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Ibby could react, Tachyon thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Anything Goes Forum was plainly in view.
Tachyon stared at Ibby for what what must've been seven minutes. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Ibby groped scandalously in Tachyon's direction, clearly desperate. Tachyon grabbed the Anything Goes Forum and bolted for the door. It was locked. Ibby let out a electric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Tachyon,' he rebuked. Ibby always had been a little annoying, so Tachyon knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Ibby did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his Anything Goes Forum tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Ibby looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Tachyon. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Tachyon. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Ibby walked over to the window and looked down. Tachyon was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Tachyon was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Ibby's place. Tachyon had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Charlies suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Anything Goes Forum. One by one they latched on to Tachyon. Already weakened from his injury, Tachyon yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Charlies running off with his Anything Goes Forum.
About ten hours later, Tachyon awoke, his love handle throbbing. It was dark and Tachyon did not know where he was. Deep in the broad secret vineyard, Tachyon was ridiculously lost. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he remembered that his Anything Goes Forum was taken by the Charlies. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a huge Charlie emerged from the lemur-infested moor. It was the alpha Charlie. Tachyon opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Charlie sunk its teeth into Tachyon's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Tachyon's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than five miles away, Ibby was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Anything Goes Forum. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened banana. With a calculated thrust, he buried it deeply into his kidney. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Tachyon... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Anything Goes Forum that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Charlies, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
Ibby picked up to a very mad Tachyon. Ibby calmly assured him that most long-haired sea monkeys yawn before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually explosively yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Tachyon. Why was Ibby trying to distract Tachyon? Because he had snuck out from Tachyon's with the Anything Goes Forum only two days prior. It was a striking little Anything Goes Forum... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Tachyon got back to the subject at hand: his Anything Goes Forum. Ibby shuddered. Relunctantly, Ibby invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Anything Goes Forum. Tachyon grabbed his canoe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Ibby realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Anything Goes Forum and he had to do it deftly. He figured that if Tachyon took the tricycle, he had take at least nine minutes before Tachyon would get there. But if he took the gnarwagon? Then Ibby would be abundantly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Ibby was interrupted by eight stupid Charlies that were lured by his Anything Goes Forum. Ibby grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he deftly reached for his live hand grenade and thoughtfully slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the gnarwagon rolling up. It was Tachyon.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Tachyon was out of the gnarwagon and went exotically jaunting toward Ibby's front door. Meanwhile inside, Ibby was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Anything Goes Forum into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his elephant. Ibby was displeased but at least the Anything Goes Forum was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Ibby explosively purred. With a deft push, Tachyon opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid genocidal maniac in a tricked out go kart,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Ibby assured him. Tachyon took a seat uncomfortably close to where Ibby had hidden the Anything Goes Forum. Ibby yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Tachyon was distracted. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, Ibby noticed a annoying look on Tachyon's face. Tachyon slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Ibby felt a stabbing pain in his armpit when Tachyon asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Anything Goes Forum right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Tachyon's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Tachyon nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Ibby could react, Tachyon thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Anything Goes Forum was plainly in view.
Tachyon stared at Ibby for what what must've been seven minutes. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Ibby groped scandalously in Tachyon's direction, clearly desperate. Tachyon grabbed the Anything Goes Forum and bolted for the door. It was locked. Ibby let out a electric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Tachyon,' he rebuked. Ibby always had been a little annoying, so Tachyon knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Ibby did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he gripped his Anything Goes Forum tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Ibby looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Tachyon. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Tachyon. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Ibby walked over to the window and looked down. Tachyon was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Tachyon was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Ibby's place. Tachyon had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Charlies suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Anything Goes Forum. One by one they latched on to Tachyon. Already weakened from his injury, Tachyon yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Charlies running off with his Anything Goes Forum.
About ten hours later, Tachyon awoke, his love handle throbbing. It was dark and Tachyon did not know where he was. Deep in the broad secret vineyard, Tachyon was ridiculously lost. Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he remembered that his Anything Goes Forum was taken by the Charlies. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a huge Charlie emerged from the lemur-infested moor. It was the alpha Charlie. Tachyon opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Charlie sunk its teeth into Tachyon's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Tachyon's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than five miles away, Ibby was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Anything Goes Forum. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened banana. With a calculated thrust, he buried it deeply into his kidney. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Tachyon... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Anything Goes Forum that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Charlies, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
Derek "Mr. Secretary" Reese, Official Announcer of:
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